Choosing a destination: the nine questions we ask every couple

There is a temptation, when families begin discussing destinations, to start with the image. Udaipur palace. Goa beach. Kerala backwaters. We suggest the opposite: begin with nine small questions, and let the place reveal itself.

1. How many people is the smallest event?

Some destinations shine at 40 guests and labour at 400. Be honest about the smallest gathering — often the mehendi or the blessing — and the largest. If the spread between the two is wide, you will need a venue that holds both, or the willingness to split functions between two properties.

2. Is the wedding in the peak of winter?

Peak winter in Rajasthan (late December to early February) is unmatched for weather, but also the hardest to book and the most expensive. If you are flexible on dates by even two weeks, the options widen considerably.

3. Do you need a direct flight from your home city?

If your guest list includes older relatives, the presence of a direct flight changes everything. Udaipur and Jaipur are direct from most metros. Chopta, Auli, and most of Himachal are not. This is less about convenience and more about dignity — the ninety-year-old aunt should not have to change flights.

4. Do you want a religious ceremony with water nearby?

This sounds odd, but it is surprisingly defining. The Ganga at Rishikesh, the lakes of Kerala, the sea at Goa — water changes the tone of a ceremony. If it is important, it shifts your options sharply.

5. How much do you want the destination to be in the wedding?

A Jaipur wedding that happens inside a heritage hotel can look like any other heritage wedding. A Jaipur wedding that uses the city — the rooftop, the courtyard, the blue door — is a different thing. Decide how much of the place you want to bring into the event.

6. What is the quietest thing you want during the trip?

Put differently: what is the thing you most want to remember? A morning at a tea estate. A boat ride on still water. A walk under pines. The answer narrows the map significantly.

7. Who is the most difficult guest to cater to?

Not their name — their needs. Wheelchair access? Specific dietary restrictions? Health conditions that rule out altitude? The hardest guest narrows the list fastest, and that is a good thing.

8. What is the non-negotiable on budget?

Not the budget itself — the item that will not compromise. Food, or photography, or décor, or guest rooms. Knowing the non-negotiable lets a good planner trade everything else around it.

9. Who will come, will come for three days — or five?

If it is three, the destination can be further. If it is five, the destination can be quieter. The length of the trip is a truer constraint than people realise.

We use a version of these nine questions with every couple that writes to us. They replace a week of brochure-flipping with twenty minutes of honest conversation. If you'd like us to run through them with you, you are welcome to write in.